Here To There

Almost fifteen years ago, when our oldest son was two, I began to research homeschooling. Believe it or not, even that recently, homeschooling was an empty desert compared to what it is now! The first book I read on the subject was probably the Colfax's book, Homeschooling For Excellence. I liked the book, and I was encouraged to read more. The more I read, the more I loved the idea of learning at home. I knew that homeschooling was what I wanted for my children.

There was one problem in my preliminary research, however. A recurring theme in the literature was academic success made easy! Just give your kids tons of books to read, throw out the TV, do a little math, and BOOM! your kids will be ready for Harvard. The idea I ran into over and over was that the homeschooling lifestyle turns out geniuses, guaranteed. I'm afraid to say that I chose our homeschooling philosophy for the wrong reasons.

Of course, I wanted our children to love learning and not be fettered by the artificial atmosphere of institutionalized education, but I have to say, my eye was on the prize; and the prize was academic success. Let me pause here and make myself clear: I certainly value academic success. It goes without saying that I want my children to be confident and successful in life! The difference is that I now know that academic success is not the be all and end all of education. What happens when Junior isn't a big reader? What if he wants to be a mechanic and not a lawyer or doctor? What if he wants to work at Burger King? Is that OK? One of my sons said that he "wants to work at a fast food place because all of the workers seem so cheerful." I think it's important to ask ourselves these questions when thinking about educating our children at home.

About half way into my homeschooling career, I made a discovery. After countless purchases of the 'right' materials, after agonizing over not being able to find a "schedule" that works, after accepting the fact that one of my sons would never come to love reading "chapter" books, and that he would happily spend an entire afternoon exploring the river in place of any academics, I gave up. Mentally, I could not handle orchestrating all the details of my children's' lives. I tried to find a homeschooling label for us to fit under, but the fact is that WE ARE JUST US. I discovered that all along, I was seeing homeschooling as a means to an end. I was viewing my children as products to be turned out, rather than unique human beings that need to be nurtured and loved for who they are! This has been such a difficult journey!

I think one of the reasons the journey to unschooling is difficult for so many parents is the myths that abound regarding education. Here are a few: "If you don't get great grades and do awesome on your SAT, you won't succeed in life.", "If you don't get used to spending hours doing academics, you will become lazy.", "If you really love your kids, then you will make them crack the books..." On and on it goes. We are taught through all these messages that if we choose a freer lifestyle for our children, WE WILL BE DAMAGING THEM. Whew. That's a tough burden to carry! We feel that the responsibility for the way our children "turn out" hinges on our ability (or lack of ability) to mold them as the perfect scholars.

It's time for a change in perspective. Rather than focusing on academic success, we need to focus on how our children are developing as individuals. Do they enjoy their lives? That's important! Are they able to reach out to others and have compassion? Do they embrace learning, whether they are learning on their i-pods, watching a movie, or reading a good book? All the academic success in the world isn't worth it if my kids don't enjoy learning new things. Along those lines, it's important that we let our kids know that all kinds of learning are acceptable. It's so ingrained in our culture that if we don't learn something from a book, if it isn't hard, then it's not learning.

Don't be afraid to let the wheels in your brain start turning! Think in terms of what you can do to enrich the lives of your children at this moment. It may be as simple as sitting and watching a movie with them or taking a ride in the car and having a truly-present converstion with them. I think if we think in terms of what we CAN do, rather then what we should or shouldn't do with our kids, our lives become richer, bigger, and successful in ways that truly matter.