Preparing For Battle

it is hard to nurture a demanding child.


it is hard to nurture a demanding child.


It is hard to nurture a demanding child.


It is hard to nurture a demanding child.

IT IS HARD TO NURTURE A DEMANDING CHILD!

Did I make myself clear? Did I just have a really difficult day today? No. It's just that I've been thinking about the business of raising children lately. Here's my sweet little Anna, as a newborn:

So precious. I just want to scoop her out of the picture and smother her with kisses. No one can argue about how easy it is to love and nurture a newborn. Sure, they wake up in the middle of the night, and it is demanding being ever-present to another being twenty-four hours a day. Still, a newborn is pure unconditional love.

Here's where I think a giant misconception occurs in the minds of many parents, including myself. When I had my first cuddly newborn seventeen years ago, I never imagined I could ever feel anything but pure unadulterated love for my son. In my mind, abundant love translated into the idea that parenting is natural and easy. I knew that there would be bumps in the road, but I didn't know that there would be times (with all my children) when I would feel exasperated, worn out, and unloving.

If I were to start an exercise regiment, I would expect it to be super hard if I wanted to see results. No pain, no gain...right? I would be willing to carry on, despite the exhaustion and pain. I think the exercise mentality would suit well in parenting. We must realize as parents, that it is indeed hard work nurturing a demanding child. When Anna is throwing a fit (unfortunately she does that quite a bit), it would be so easy for me to just stick her in a room to "cry it out" or yell at her or even slap her. Such reactionary measures may quiet her for the time being, but what would they do to her spirit? Should she be taught that when she is upset she will be abandoned? Or the way to get compliance is to scream louder or hit someone? Sometimes it takes every fiber in my being to maintain a peaceful and calm disposition in the midst of such a situation.

Instinct is not always the best resort when your child is 'misbehaving.' Sometimes our instinct is to take the path of least resistance, regardless of the ensuing damage. How many hurtful words have been said in reaction to a situation? Something that is helping me in this area is to prepare for the battle before it happens. Just as I would gear up for a new exercise program, I mentally prepare myself for what I will do when my child is being demanding. First I look at possible causes. Is she hungry? Tired? Thirsty? So many times I can help her out by just meeting a simple overlooked need. If that doesn't help, I bring her into a quiet room and stay with her until she settles down. It's usually all over in a couple of minutes. Then, if she hasn't fallen asleep, we get back to playing or cooking, or whatever we were doing before the outburst. I feel so much better as a parent when I have nurtured my child in such a situation, and I know that kindness and patience speak volumes to a distressed child!